this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
