Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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