the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
