its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
