Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
