3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so let's talk penis.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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