its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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