i barfeds in our rink
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
