Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
