So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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