Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
