he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
