Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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