She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
