so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
