Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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