New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
