That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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