i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
