I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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