Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize