I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
