margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
