He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
