PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
