So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
party gras won. party gras always wins.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
me + whiskey = a bad person
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
