Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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