you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize