It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
