her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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