just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
