i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Say something about gay babies.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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