I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
