Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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