bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
