don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
