Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
