the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
