I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
