I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
