you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
