Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
