a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
