i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
