She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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