Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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