they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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