i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
