I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
