I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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