It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Randomize
