Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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