16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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