yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
