they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
