Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
