North Korea, Best Korea!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
