They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize