You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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