i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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