Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
