It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
