I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
