what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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