Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
