i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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