One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
