? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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