when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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