bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Randomize
